Perception Is Reality
At some point in life, someone told me:
“Your perception is your reality.”
If you perceive your life in a certain way, then that's your reality. You have your own opinion. You have your own perspective. That influences the way you see your life.
I wanted to take a few minutes to “talk” to you about something that came up recently that I thought was very important for you to know. In speaking with a friend about an experience I had, we discussed how different sometimes perceptions and opinions can be. And of course, we know everyone has them.
Someone is ALWAYS going to judge you.
Do you want to live with regrets?
I talk a lot about mindset. I read a lot about it too. All the things about mindset and about positivity, toxic positivity, positive/negative mindset, negative self-talk…all those types of things. So trust me, when it comes to perception and perspective, I have done my research.
So the reason this came up in our conversation is so many people are afraid to just get started and to do something that they love because they have to put themselves out there. It is scary!
And, it never ends but it does get easier. You are always going to be afraid.
Somebody's going to say something that is negative or that is soul-crushing. And then that makes you get in your head.
Are they right?
Am I right?
What is the real reality of the situation?
Your perception is the reality..or is it?
The discussion sparked between my friend and I was over something I put out on social media. I posted a picture of myself. I was smiling. Super happy. It was a day that I felt great. I don't do a lot of photoshoots because I don't really like the way I look in a lot of photos. But I did a few to feel good and empower myself (more about that here).
They always catch me with a weird look on my face or the perpetual RBF. So I’m always looking really pissed off and people are like, “Ooh, what's wrong with her?”
I've just never really had a lot of good photos of me smiling that I really enjoy because a lot of times when I smile, my eyes close. You can't see them. And this one, you could see my eyes!
That's what I look like (the one to the right…)
So I posted that picture with a comment about how I was really happy. For a while, I thought I'd lost my smile and I was super excited that it was back. I talked about some of my struggles as being a single mom.
I have two daughters and for most of their lives, I have been single. I've had my own home, my own car, and my own bills. I have been divorced twice. Unfortunately, the first marriage was very short. I was young and it was just not a good environment. It happens. Right?
The single-parent comment really was what took off in the comments.
I had several people encouraging me, people who were the strongest of single mothers. They had no father, family, very few true friends, or anyone in the picture to help them. I had friends who were encouraging me because they had partners and their partners traveled a lot. They felt like a single mother because, during this travel time, everything was on them.
Then came THE comment that really fired me up and made me think, “oh my goodness, let me get my journal. I'm going to write until I get this out.” I'm really surprised there was not a hole in my paper by the time I got done.
The comment that lit the fireworks stand ablaze was that I wasn't truly a single mom.
I was vehement. I was talking out loud as I wrote “What do you know about my situation? Why are you telling me that my perception of my life is wrong?” I wrote about all the things about why I felt like I was a single mom and why having the other parent involved doesn't necessarily mean that you're not a single parent.
*Disclaimer: I might not be right in my beliefs but the struggle is different for everyone and that does not diminish the feelings it brings for those experiencing it. Struggle and Trauma are BFFs for sure!
When you are the one in charge of your home, your car, doing all the things during that time that you are the parent, you're a single parent.
When you are the sole employee of your business you do all the things. If you hire out some work…do you still get to say you are a sole-proprietor?
What are we going to do? Change your perception of who you are and what your life is to make someone else happy?
You better not!
Two people's perceptions of your life may be totally different. I think I have been very blessed in my life. Someone can look at my life and see my blessings as I see them.
I've never been homeless.
I have never been hungry, like truly hungry to where I didn't have food.
I have never been without a vehicle, broken down in the shop? Yeah, absolutely. But to never have transportation or not knowing that that transportation is coming, never had that worry.
I have always been employed. I have never lost a job and it put me in financial debt. So I am blessed, super blessed, and thankful about that.
But someone else can come in and see the same situation saying, “This poor woman has been divorced twice. She has kids with two different men. She doesn't have a college degree.”
(They probably don't want to see how much I still owe in student loans for that no college degree!! And I've probably been working for less than what I'm worth for many years.)
The struggles that they see, I see, as the things I've overcome. I'm like, man, I've bounced back twice from a divorce. I have had two kids and thankfully I haven't gained a whole lot of weight from those children. So I feel good, although my body betrays me sometimes because it's getting older, I can move.
How did I get to this place in life and feel good about my rocky path?
I had to work for it.
I had to make sure my mindset was in the right place.
And to be honest for a lot of years, it wasn't. And now, I can look at all those things and think, yeah, my perception is the reality I created.
I know what I went through. I know how it affected me. I know what I did, what I didn't do, what I could have done differently.
All of those things could have worked out a lot differently. At the end of the day, if you think your perception is wrong or you don't like your reality, then you're the one to change that. No one else should be able to tell you that your experience, that your reality is wrong for you, that you need to give them credit or give them something different than what you have experienced.
So, my advice is:
Celebrate your growth opportunities. They happened to make you stronger.
Put yourself in the place that makes you happy, regardless of what other people will say or think.
Others will judge you but they don’t live your life.
Don’t be afraid of judgment. It happens every day regardless of what you do…so be happy!
Peace and love,
Teresea
Photo credit: Unsplash; Lee Wright
