Choose Yourself
For many years I have felt a pull toward my version of freedom.
So often as women we feel like we have very few choices in our lives. Sometimes that is based on what our government, society, and families tell us we “should” do to have a great life.
Growing up I was told I could be whatever I wanted. However, I was encouraged to be a nurse, a corporate ladder climber, or a secretary and to put up my paints and craft supplies. Those are all fine jobs but they were the things my grandparents and other family members aspired to be coming out of the depression.
Spoiler Alert: They weren’t what I aspired to be but I tried them all because I wanted to please the adults.
After many years in successful but unfulfilling jobs, I started trying to figure out what was wrong with me. (It had to be me right?)
Why didn’t I like the “good jobs” I had?
Why did I feel so out of place?
Then I realized that I wasn’t free to be me in those jobs. I couldn’t use my talents and experience in a way that felt true to me. I was trying to be for everyone. Do you know what that is like?
Business experts always say “If you are talking to everyone, you are talking to no one.” Being “for everyone” is a very generic, watered-down version of yourself. I was a generic employee.
This realization helped me find a job that did fulfill me. Actually, I found several.
The first one was jewelry making but it’s been very on and off the last decade. I had success doing things my way but when I wanted to grow I went back to the “what everyone wants” and didn’t grow at all. Now that I’m doing it my way again, I’m getting back to that successful stride. The last decade has been super creative and wonderful!
The second was coaching and helping other women. That is where Patton a Passionate Life was born. Growing in my own self-realization and confidence, then learning to shed the BS society had taught me, I became a better person and a better employee.
Being a better person and employee helped me find a corporate world position that allowed me to thrive. A position in which I feel appreciated. That is the good thing about a career (and your mindset), you can change if you aren't happy.
Financial freedom was something I thought only belonged to the millionaires of the world. That was a club I couldn’t join. I lacked the education and the job required to get there. Living paycheck to paycheck was out of my reach also…or so I thought.
Another area of my life that I wanted to change was my finances. I watched my family struggle with a low to middle-class lifestyle and I was tired of the struggle I felt destined to have.
I started reading and educating myself on how to make the changes I desired. I learned how to save money, how to invest in my 401K, and I learned how to stop buying things to imply wealth when I really didn’t have it.
Having more things actually means you have less money (even if you bought them on a REALLY good sale)!
When I paid off my car, I changed my direct deposit in my savings by the amount I had been paying each month on my loan. I didn’t notice the money being gone since I had been paying it anyway, and soon I had a rad little savings account. It came in super handy when I had a kitchen disaster.
And I felt like a grown-ass woman handling my shit.
Now hold up. This doesn’t mean I’m now swimming in gold coins like Scrooge McDuck…but I’ve stopped having to wait until payday to purchase groceries or other necessary items. It’s all about a slight perspective shift and making different choices. AND IT FEELS GOOD TO ME!
Like a fine wine, I grew richer. My knowledge of what I enjoyed and what made me happy, how I wanted to feel (appreciated, less struggle, doing things my way) helped me understand the power of intentional environments.
This saved me during the long months of quarantine during the Covid pandemic.
One day when I got in the mood to do something drastic, I started a major project of a Creativity Cabin. It wasn’t finished then but I realized, I had areas in my house and the yard that I really enjoyed. My living room was set up to allow reading, yoga, TV, or working on my blog.
There was no desire to find a more comfortable place. I had so many places that made me smile freely.
My hammock on the porch was amazing! I could see the garden, pet the neighbor's cat, and relax with a book or my kiddo. All the work I had done over the two years before to make my space comfortable for me paid off in spades!
Tragically as I write this story, my hammock is no longer with us. It was a warm evening in the south. I leaned over to pet Lucy (the neighbor’s cat) when I found myself suddenly on the porch next to Lucy. We were both startled!
The shredded cords pooled violently on the concrete, reaching out to me. It took me two days to dispose of the carcass. I still have the backbone, ready to be adorned with beautiful beads. I’ll send it to its next life soon, becoming a suncatcher for the large window in my Creativity Cabin. I have to have a souvenir, right?
Thank you for joining me down the dark Kingesque path behind the school. The point was that you can adjust your home to make you the most comfortable. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune. #InnerHippieThatLovesThriftStores
I love traveling but have never been a fan of crowds. Pre-covid I had to pretend to be nice, like a good girl. I'm uber thankful that the crowds are not like before. My nerves are not made of steel these days and I am approaching that dreaded “M” word for women of a certain age. My savings may be needed for bail money and I’ll be thankful I have it then :)
This year I decided on intentional travel. I loved to travel when I was in my 20s but at some point decided it was too much (time, energy, money, etc.) and stopped doing it. Now I regret that. Some of the best vacations were when I packed a week's worth of cheese sandwiches and a few bags of whatever chips or cookies were on sale that week (add on a bottle of vodka if the kids were not going to be there).
Two decades later I was tired of saying “I wish.” There are things on my bucket list. My intention for the next 5 years is to work hard to make sure I do many of them. Making memories that I hope will last another 20 lifetimes is the plan.
Sometimes that is a choice made between travel costs and savings balances.
That savings I said I held onto as tight as I held my ice cream money in 6th grade, I used some of it for a great trip to make memories with my youngest. I’ll give away more ice cream money for that.
Now, in my 40s I choose a career of life every day. I choose how I spend (or save) my money. I chose to become even more intentional about how I spent my money so my environment could support a happy, peaceful life that felt free of other people’s expectations.
Life is about choices.
Some are easy (do I leave my warm sheets to go to the bathroom now or in 5 minutes?) and some are hard (which car do I buy for me/my family?).
Some require planning (a month-long vacation) and some do not (the sun is out so I’m going to open the blinds).
Some are good (exercising several times a week) and some are not (eating the entire pineapple upside-down cake by yourself).
This month, I hope you also celebrate your freedom to choose yourself.
If you think you are stuck, think again. There is always a way to change your career, finances, and environment (people, home, travel, etc) if you are willing to take a hard look at your habits and options.
And you are willing to do the work, to peel the onion.
Peace and Love,
Teresea
Photo credit: Lee Wright, Unsplash, Teresea Patton
