Women are Liars!

I have a confession. 

I am a liar…

I lie and omit my hard work way too often. 

I held back in school so I wasn’t the nerd girl at the table for the group project.

Instead, I pretended like I didn’t study much, even though I loved getting English homework.

We were told that we were “too sensitive.”

We were shamed for being “too smart” and were made to feel like we were the ones who were showing off when we got a good grade.

(Confession: My heart leaps at the offer of a good book club! Thankfully I have learned to study and read without an assignment.)

School is where I learned to play up my weaknesses and downplay my strengths. I learned to play the female entertainer so people wouldn’t expect me to excel. 

I learned to play the role of the nice girl who makes everyone else look good. It was easier to fit in and be less of a misfit.

We learned to hide our true selves and then taught other females in our lives to do the same. 

This teaching I/we did was at home and in the work world. Being part of the workforce felt like the next level of school. Do a good job, don’t cause a scene, and don’t be the only one speaking up in “class” AKA the meeting.

And that is exactly why we still do that as grown women. We are still taught to hide our hard work and tone it down to be liked. 

Lies of omission are just as bad as the ones that are blatant and in your face. The difference is who they hurt. It’s usually the one holding back the full truth to their own detriment.

I’m talking about the times we’ve omitted hard work, our effort, and our sacrifices. That needs to be our past. Honest representation is our future. 

How are lies of omission still showing up today? 

There are times I still have a hard time telling the whole truth about what I did for the results I achieve. I didn’t want to be seen as bragging.

Being proud is different than bragging. 

I’ve learned not to hide my accomplishments, to take credit for the work I did without downplaying it, and that’s a skill all women should learn.

We need to learn how to take credit for our accomplishments.

Women’s leadership is a topic that is constantly on my mind. 

The phrase “women in leadership” evokes many different responses.

To some people, it’s a bold statement of female empowerment.

To others, it’s a reminder that women still have a long way to go in leadership positions. 

Women are told to be leaders in every aspect of life.

We’re told to be confident, to speak up, and to lead by example.

But when it comes to being leaders in the workplace, there are still a few things holding women back.

Besides our part in holding ourselves back through years of lying by omission. 

As an adult, I’ve learned the importance of taking credit for my work.

I’ve learned that it’s important to be myself, that I can learn from my mistakes, and that it’s okay to admit when I’m wrong. Talking about these things helps others do the same.

There’s a difference between modestly playing down your accomplishments and being humble. You can simultaneously be aware of your strengths and weaknesses while not being a know-it-all Sir-Brags-A-Lot. (I typed that in my best brat on the playground voice.)

(This is not me but one day I will be able to do that!)

Authenticity is needed in the workplace. 

It’s needed in every aspect of life. 

If you want to be taken seriously, you need to be yourself. If you want to be promoted, you need to be able to admit when you’re wrong and be committed to learning and improving.

Lessons I’ve learned:

• My authenticity is needed in the workplace. 

• Playing up my weaknesses isn’t good for my career.

• I have to be myself if I want to be taken seriously. 

• I have to be committed to my goals and dreams to be successful.

But you know what? Men lie too.

They have their own pile of crap to work through and expectations piled on them as high as a Thanksgiving plate.  

What is that?

Well, from what I hear when I listen to men in my life, they have the pressure to provide for their family's material and financial needs, they aren’t supposed to be super emotional, and they are supposed to meet the status quo for size house, car, and debt as others their age. 

Now, I can’t speak for the male experience since I haven’t had that experience. My friends are all over the spectrum of differences so I have second-hand knowledge of a lot of stereotyping. 

It seems to me like society needs to view people differently than just by their gender or sexual identity.

We all have something valuable to offer society that makes us all better. 

Think about painters, architects, authors, maintainers of the internet, and so on. There are plenty of people with a value that we can all share and benefit from. 

Thank God someone out there knows how to make the internet work and phones that make me so happy and feel spoiled when I order my groceries online. That is not my contribution to society…or we wouldn’t have it. 

All this to say to all you kick-ass people out there:

• Stop omitting your truth.

• Quit hiding your self. 

• Opt-out of the games.

Please start living with passion:

• Speaking your truth.

• Let others see the real you. 

• Make the rules for your own life.

Peace and Love,

Teresea

Photo Credit: Lee Wright; Unsplash