Deck the Halls With Boundaries!
Fa, la, la, la, la,…..
Why do you need boundaries?
I guess your holidays were much calmer than the ones I had growing up! You had to know where you could or couldn’t sit (the kid table or the grown-up table). When crazy cousin Cheryl starts dancing with music, you needed to decide if you gotta get out of there quick or if you put up with it because you feel like you can’t leave?
How do we decide?
Having boundaries teaches others how to treat you, how to treat yourself, and they set expectations of who is responsible for specific behaviors or actions. This helps everyone know what they are responsible for and helps with communication when conversations take place.
When people think about boundaries, a lot of times they have questions like:
Can I set boundaries in my relationship and still be loved?
How will others react to my boundaries and expectations?
Are my boundaries selfish?
I haven’t had this boundary before, how can I introduce it now?
“The inability to set appropriate boundaries at appropriate times with the appropriate people can be very destructive.” Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
During the holiday season, we not only have stress over our appearance, how much we eat (and how much we hate how much we ate when we just want to go lay on the couch and nap it off but still have a ton of family over), the condition of our home, the quality of our food, and the commitments we made to others.
AND WE LET OTHERS JUDGE US OVER THIS!!!
Now, are we on the same page for what boundaries or expectations might need to be in place for a better holiday?
What areas do you feel stress you out the most for holidays and how can you change that?
Maybe you don’t always have to be the host.
Maybe you ask for others to bring items or offer to bring two items instead of three or four if you are going elsewhere.
If you have a special diet, take your own meal with you “so you don’t inconvenience anyone” (also so you don’t have to make things you can’t eat).
Mindset around food is SOOOO hard every day of the year but something about the massive piles of food makes us really want to do a nose dive into the mashed potatoes and eat every roll on the table!
All these things are going to require some mental prep before you go. Learning to get a handle on your anxiety over things like “will Aunt Betty ask me when I’m finally going to get married” AGAIN this year?
Let’s face it...she IS!
So instead of dreading the moment, be prepared. Depending on your sense of humor you might say well, I tried it but he got on my nerves after a few months so he’s buried outback.
Or you could say Aunt Betty you ask me every year and the answer is still the same-TRUST me! I’ll let you know when I find my person.
Finding a way to get what you want to happen (help from others) or to stop what is happening (harassment from Uncle Jack) might not be easy the first time but that is ok. The important thing is that you do it.
This could be the difference in no longer hosting gatherings instead of no longer being allowed at them.
So, in summary. For your mental (maybe physical) wellbeing, the wellbeing of family and friends, the pets, and the dishes, PLEASE consider where you can set boundaries to make the holidays better, easier, more peaceful.
Increase self-awareness- what do I need?
Profess your boundaries- and stick to them!
Ask others for help- and let them!
Decrease your holiday stress-* disclosure * it might take a few seasons to make huge changes.
Peace and love,
Teresea
Photo credits: Unsplash, Lee Wright
