Why do most introverts dislike small talk?
Have you ever left a gathering completely pumped up and ready to chat all night?
What about leaving a similar gathering totally drained and in need of a drink or a mind-numbing night on the couch?
Is there really such a thing as an extroverted introvert???
Yes. Yes. And I have no idea but I’ve been giving it some (ok, a lot of) thought lately.
I identify as an introvert (INFP).
Sometimes I like to talk A LOT. I have been known to talk hours upon hours, BUT I can also spend a day in the house without speaking to anyone. How can one person be this opposite at times?
Introverts have many reasons, as I have learned, for disliking small talk that ranges from curbing anxiety in crowds to yearning for an intimate connection that is hard to get in most social settings. I’ve run the gamut of “reasons” for chatting like a drunken loon and ending the night after hours upon miserable hours of smiling and nodding through those meaningless conversations. For years, I thought it was just me and my lack of ability to make connections with others.
IS THIS YOU TOO?!?!?!
The more I got to know about all the “woo woo” things in the world like why we try to be perfect, how our personality types, our false self, how our bodies react to the moon cycle, and how our intuition speaks to us if we just allow it to, I realized it wasn’t a flaw. I wasn’t some kind of psychopath that was missing the connection gene.
For me, it was based on this mystical, magical thing called ENERGY.
Something those of you familiar with the Love Language theory might think of as “filling your tank.” When someone is filling your tank, it’s like a car and you can keep going. When they drain your tank, you are stuck on the side of the road going nowhere. So, take care of what’s going on with that tank!
I love deep meaningful conversations and can talk for HOURS when I have that kind of interaction. Give me a room full of people that have little to say other than talk about their job, their connections, or places they have been...I’m like a mushroom on a log.
Why do introverts like me dislike small talk?
The myth that we don’t like to talk or are socially awkward isn’t accurate...at least in most cases that I’ve seen. As I’ve already stated, I like to talk especially about ideas and theories. I’m not socially awkward...I’m always awkward!
Typically we are processing and thinking of all the things that go along with our thoughts so seem withdrawn.
We go from A-Z but it’s far from a straight path.
We might get to M and decide we need to go back to J and see if that was really the right thing to do or how it would change M if we did something slightly different.
Things you need to know about *most* introverts.
We don’t need constant stimulation so we are not interested in the small talk.
We thrive on good energy in all forms- verbal/written words, silence, touch, inner energy, and energy of those around us.
Quiet for us doesn’t mean mad, sad, or that we don’t love you. It usually means the opposite- we are happy and content with you.
We heard you and are processing, not ignoring you.
Introverts like to live in the “what if” world...it’s a very interesting place!
Peace and Love,
~ Teresea
Photo credit: Unsplash
